Safe and sound in Uganda

After a long 24 hours plus of travel, we just arrived shortly ago to Canaan Children's Home in Jinja, Uganda. It was a 3 hour drive from the airport. We mostly all slept the whole way. We are pretty tired but super excited to be here. We made it safe, as did all our luggage. Internet access is very limited so I probably won't update as much as usual during these first few days but wanted everyone to know we are safe. Thanks for praying!
Autumn

Why Wouldn't I?

Last week, the Visiting Orphan staff drove to Louisville, Kentucky for the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit. It was the first one for me and several of our other staff members. We were all impacted greatly by being there, hearing testimonies, stories, learning how to do what we do better, sharing ideas and getting to meet so many people with a heart for orphans. The worship was amazing, the speakers were awesome and I was moved. We had a staff meeting today where we were supposed to share what spoke to us most from the conference - what the highlights were. For me, the thing that spoke loudest was adoption. There were two on-stage radio interviews from Focus on the Family that were being recorded at the event - both with families who have adopted a bunch of kids. One family has 14 kids - some biological, most adopted and they have an income of roughly $65K a year. Wow - that spoke to me. Yes, I may be single and I may not make a ton of money but if they can care for 14 kids at 65K, I can find a way to care for at least one. I can cut some things out, make some changes, I can make it work. Even as a single. Another thing that I had my eyes opened to was domestic adoption and fostering. I honestly had never thought much about it or knew much about it. But I kept running into people who were talking about it, who had or knew someone who had adopted from fostering and I even had the opportunity to attend a breakout session about fostering to adopt. I learned a lot and I felt like this may be a good thing for me to look into. Since I've been home, I have started looking into it. And I am definitely open to it if that's where the Lord leads me. I'm also getting more and more ok with the idea of adopting as a single. A friend said the other day that she has a single friend who adopted and she once said to her, I can be ok without being a wife but I can't imagine never being a mom. That's how I feel. I want to be married and I still hope and believe God has that for me. But... if he doesn't, I could live with that. But I cannot even fathom going my whole life and never being a mom. I have felt like I was meant to be a mom since as long as I can remember. I know it'll be hard. I know it'll be an adjustment, especially if I'm doing it as a single. But I also know I have amazing friends here in Nashville who would be a huge blessing and help. And I know I have a God in heaven who has adopted me and He has given me a heart for children. I also know having His people take care of His little ones is so very close to the Father's heart. There are some definite things I need to do to prepare my life for such a change. Some things need to be paid off, some plans need to be made in advance. And of course, I need to continually be seeking the Lord on what He's saying and what His perfect timing is. But when I went to that conference last week and I heard the song title "Why Wouldn't I?" by the amazing Peder Eide who led us in worship - I felt like that question was for me. I was reminded how many millions of orphans there are in the world - precious little ones who just want someone to love them, hold them and never leave them - why wouldn't I say "here I am Lord, use me"! Why wouldn't I adopt when I have a mothers heart already and a lot of love to give and enough money to make it work and a house with enough room and a great support system? I can't think of any real reasons not to. 

Video of the song "Why Wouldn't I" and Peder Eide telling the story of the song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kQC_9sstfs&feature=share

Our VO staff with our "I Am" signs from the conference. They told us to write down what the Lord is saying about us, who we are called to be and/or how He sees us. I wrote "I am a mother" and cried my eyes out.

To Be A Mom

For some reason today, I started thinking about what it means to be a mom. And how for so long, I’ve been saying “I can’t wait to be a mom someday”. And all of a sudden on this Good Friday afternoon, I just had a revelation that I am a mom! Firstly, I’m an adoptive mom to a 1 year old dog named Auty. On top of that, last week I got to be a mom to several kids in Haiti who fell asleep in my arms not to mention countless others that I got to hug, kiss, play with and tell about how much Father God loves them. I got to be a mom when I had the honor of serving lunch to 30 kids. I get to be in a mom-like role when I teach Sunday school, babysit or even just lend a shoulder to a hurting friend. Those are all mom-like roles. So while I don’t have a biological or adopted human child YET - I am still a mom in many ways. And that revelation makes me smile!!! The truth is - I was made to be a mom and I find the most joy in that kind of a role. I always have. I like to take care of other people. And I kept waiting and waiting until I got to be a mom someday and truth be told - the more trips I go on, the more I want to have a child but until then - what a cool perspective the Lord gave me today when lo and behold - He just showed me that I already am a mom in so many ways!!!! How cool is that? And not only that, but people are actually using that title now because of Auty. I had to take Auty to the vet today cause she has this gross eye gunk and I wanted to make sure it was nothing wrong. They said they thought it was probably allergies which makes sense cause I have major allergies right now too. As I was waiting in the lobby with her for the appointment though, the lady at the desk called me mom several times. It made me smile cause I had started writing this blog about being a mom before I left the house. When they told me to bring Auty back, she said “ok, mom - you can bring her back now”. I love being called mom even more than I thought I would!! I always knew I wanted to be a mom and how awesome that not only am I a mom in a sense to orphans and other people I get to care for in a mom-like role from time to time - but people are officially, actually calling me mom. Many people will likely not get why but I think that is totally awesome!!! I was telling my chiropractor today that I got a dog and he said “dogs are a lot of work huh?” and I had to stop and think about it because honestly, it doesn’t feel like it is work at all. I think part of that is because I was blessed with the most awesome sweet natured dog in the universe. And part of it is because of how God made me. I thrive in the mom role! That’s the best way to describe it. What a divine discovery to have a new point of view - I’m not missing out on motherhood - although I do VERY much want to be a mom to a child someday - I can embrace it now! It’s interesting to have that ah ha moment today, on Good Friday - when we recognize Jesus ultimate sacrifice for us. Father God sent His only son to die for me! How deep the Father’s love for us! And how sweet of the Father to remind me of that love today and to not only remind me of His parent love toward me but to show me a new view into how He made me to love as a parent and beyond that - how He has already been using that mothering gift in more ways than I even realized. Thanks Lord for showing me that today and thanks for giving me the honor of getting to be a mom - whether it’s for a day or a lifetime - I am blessed by that honor!

Great use of our musical art project in Haiti - Praise & Worship!

Praise & Worship in Haiti from Autumn Kerr on Vimeo.

I left my heart in Haiti with these kids

John Wesley showing me his shaker

Home

I got home from Haiti very late last night after an almost 11 hour layover in Miami. Travel time to Haiti is usually pretty short but with such a long layover in the MIA airport - it felt more like a trip to Africa. But one of the other team members, Jen, was with me for 8 of those hours and it went by surprisingly fast. We had internet so we uploaded all our pictures and got to just hang out, call family, eat lunch, etc. Lynelle had a few hours so she had lunch with us and we all got to talking about family, upbringing and we were surprised how similar our stories are. It's neat to see the redeeming work God does and how He always works things together for the good of those who love Him. He turned some of our childhood hurts into a passion to help other kids and wala - all these years later, here we are together serving on the mission fields - loving on these precious little ones in Haiti. God is so good!

I picked up my sweet dog this morning and she was so excited to see me - she couldn't contain herself and she was jumping wildly. I'm covered in scratches but I don't even care. I was equally as excited to see her. I love that fur-child so much! I missed her like crazy and because of that, I was more excited than usual to come home. With past trips, I didn't really even think much about home and it was definitely not difficult to leave to go. But as I mentioned in my blog post before I left, I think it's supposed to be hard to leave, it's supposed to be a sacrifice to go. I kept thinking about Auty on this trip. And everytime I missed her, I kept thinking about all these sweet kids who don't have what my dog has - a forever home. They don't have a mom to love on them every day. My dog is more fortunate than millions of children around the world. And so, Auty and I made a 10 day sacrifice so I could go love on some sweet kiddos and remind them that God loves them and so do I! I had a great opportunity to share this with the kids at Well Being on our last day there. The team was sitting around the circle holding several kids on there laps as I told them God had a plan for them. The team was crying. The kids were nodding. And I was smiling because I was happy to be able to tell them this. But not happy to say goodbye a few hours later. It's hard saying goodbye and leaving them not knowing exactly what will happen to them, or when their next meal will be. Although with Well Being, we knew they would have many next meals because we bought them enough food to last for at least several weeks, if not more. We got them a tarp for the tent where these 30 kids rest their heads and left there knowing they wouldn't have to get up in the middle of the night next time it rained to bail water out. At least for a little while - until that tarp wears out in the heat of the sun and that supply of food runs out. It gives me great peace knowing this church in NJ is going to be helping them longterm and I am so excited to have been able to be there when they told the woman who cares for the kids about their plans to help. I look forward to seeing the positive change that will come. And as I continue reading When Helping Hurts - I look forward to seeing a plan come together that doesn't hurt Well Being but empowers them to help themselves, to learn, to change their communities and their country. I love Compassions model for holistic development and I pray this orphanage model will be very much like that.  We want to help but we don't want to hurt in trying to do so. And there's a very delicate balance in doing so. You have to understand that people will feel worthless if they are always getting a handout. But if they get to take part in the change that's happening - they feel valued and hopeful. And that's what we want for Louizanne and all the children and helpers at Well Being. We went and we met some temporary needs but we didn't fix the longterm problems. But with the Lord's help, we can come alongside Well Being and build something amazing that has a lasting impact far into the future. 

Our last day in Haiti, we traveled to Thomazeau to an amazing orphanage called Children of Hope. A guy name Bobby and his lovely wife do a beautiful job loving and caring for 45 children there. Bobby is a hard worker with a huge heart - not just for kids but for people in general. He took us on a little hike behind the orphanage into the village and showed us several homes he built for people in need. Why? Because they needed a home and he had the means to help. He said he doesn't ask for anything in return, there are no stipulations - it's a gift for them to do with as they wish. One was a family of 13 that was living in a very, very tiny rundown place. He built a home next to it so now they have a nice home to sleep in and they still have the other home to use too. Another is for a 80+ year old widow who was living in a little shack. He built her a nice but smaller home than the others - because he didn't want it to be more than she could manage. A friend of hers lives there too and helps her. There's another family of 8 who are sleeping in a rented one room shack that he wants to help next. They own a small piece of land nearby but have no money to build so they rent this tiny room. The two twin beds are up on bricks because several of them have to sleep underneath on the floor. I can see why he wants to help them. He presents the need to various ministries and whoever wants to take hold of the project helps raise $5000 and he builds them a home. I would love to be able to do something like that for a Visiting Orphans team in the future. We could have a team raise the money and then come down and do the manual labor to help Bobby build it. I will definitely be thinking about this option. 

The kids at a Children of Hope are joyful, well cared for and you can just see a different light in their eyes. Bobby and his wife are lovely people inside and out! They have staff that help care for the kids, cook, etc. And the kids each have their own bed. A new dorm for the boys was built last fall, as well as several school buildings where all the kids go to school and many of the neighborhood kids do as well. Anytime they have more than they need, Bobby takes the extra to families up in the mountains. He helps several families and has built some homes up there too. Surely, some of the clothes and school supplies we've brought on past trips have gone to families in the mountains. I wish all orphanage directors were like Bobby. He doesn't take the credit - he says it's all the Lord. After years of living in the states, he said the Lord called him back to Haiti to help. It was a great way for our team to end our trip - to be encouraged to see what an orphanage can be with the right model, resources and caring individuals who love the Lord and are daily seeking Him and doing exactly what Jesus called us to do - to care for his little ones. I pray the other orphanages we work with will get to the state of Children of Hope. The name says it all - that's what we see that's different there - there's hope. The kids there see a future and they have hope for what God has in store for them. And I love going there and seeing that. I don't leave sad - I leave happy knowing those kids are well cared for. And I leave with hope that we can somehow be used by the Lord to bring that same hope into the other 2 orphanages in Haiti and all the ones we work with in other countries too. We don't just want children to have a place to sleep and food to eat. We want them to have a HOME. And I think we all know there's a big difference between the two. Children who have a home, have a security in knowing that's their home and that they don't have to worry about it. They can be kids. They can play. And they can smile and laugh and not be afraid they won't have another meal or they will lose their home. It's a cruel world we live in. A fallen world. And when we go to places like Haiti, our hearts are broken, our eyes are opened and the bubble of our little world back in the US bursts. And it hurts but it's that hurt that propels us to do something more. To not just go back to life as usual. To not get discouraged but to hold onto the hope that things can be changed with the Lord's help. Lord - give me wisdom to take the steps you tell me to take and to wait when you tell me to wait and to always trust that you have a plan and no matter how bleak this world can seem, our hope is always in You! Lord bless the kids in Haiti and guide Visiting Orphans as we continue to send teams to go and be your hands and feet. - Amen