Dear Lord,
I'm sorry I haven't spent much time with you lately. I'm sorry that I keep busy doing everything under the sun BUT spend time with you. I'm sorry that I've been doing my own thing as if I don't need your help. Oh, I DO need your help. Help me firstly to not forget that. To not get so overwhelmed with work and tasks and to do lists that seem to never end that I don't stop and just be... with you. I know that it's no coincidence that while I've been not spending time with you - I'm also irritable and my patience is running very thin. I feel like everything has gotten on my last nerve the past few weeks. Yesterday, I just felt like I was about to cry. And other than just being irritated - I couldn't quite explain why. But I know why - it's because without you, there is no peace. Without you, there's stress and we let things get to us and overwhelm us and stress us out. Without you, I don't like who I am. And it makes me wonder if other people aren't liking me much either. I don't want to be that person who is annoyed all the time. I want to be joyful and easy going and full of peace, even in the midst of chaos and IT problems and a long list of stuff to do. I want the peace of God which transcends all understanding. And where do I get that? - well, from you! Only you. No one or nothing else has it. Just you. I love you Lord. You are a faithful God. You have proven yourself over and over in my life. Let me not forget that you are the God who provides - when I lost my job, when you provided this job and all the months in between that you provided for me. Let me daily remember all the years you waited for me and kept pursuing me until I finally realized you were there and gave my life to you. Let me never forget who I used to be and the new creation I am daily in you. I remember when I didn't know your love, didn't really KNOW it like I do now. When you know that you know that you know someone loves you - it changes you. It provides security in knowing that you don't have to question that love. I know that you love me - no matter what I do or how I just went for several weeks without really even talking much to you. And because I love you - I'm sorry that I did that. Not because I'm afraid you love me less but because love means wanting to spend time with someone and when you don't - you miss them. Even if you might be so busy that you didn't even realize it - you start acting differently and it causes you to stop and realize - "why I am feeling this way?" And then you know why - you miss the one you love. Lord I miss you. I know you are still here - help me to see you more, to know you more, to desire to be in your Word more and to be with you more. And help me to remember to fill up daily in you so I don't go out into the world trying to pour out love that I can't really pour out if I don't have it in me. It's YOUR LOVE that fills me up to overflowing so that I can pour out to others. And when I'm filled up with you - I'm filled up with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Imagine that! Galatians 5:22-23 coming to life in me and all because your spirit is in me. Lord help me to be led by your spirit daily. More of you and less of me Jesus. That's what I want. That's what I need. I love you Lord.
-Love,
Autumn
